16 May 2006

today i crashed my bike again. in the exact same place i crashed my bike last time; at the corner of 13th st and lakeside in oakland, where there are dead turtle asphalt bumps hiding colorless in the middle of the street. so i hit one unknowingly and felt my bike stop but my body not, waaaah and my feet still pedaling on the ground just ahead of the bike flounder flounder sun so bright flounder arms waving for a good goof of four five seconds, trying to catch up and get back but then no!!! and over the bars and down on hands and knee and elbow and ankle. the knee the worst, but luckily i was wearing my jeans that already have a hole in the knee, so. unluckily it was the recently almost broken ankle (almost broken while performing the second act of miss saigon, but hobbled on through, yes so rock star yes thank you), yeah it still hurts. the red muscat grapes in my bag, however, were unharmed.

but the funny thing to me, is yes, the exact same place i wrecked last time, a couple months ago. (my grand total wrecks in 7+ years of sf reckless is 4; other two being wet brakes coming down fulton street headlight batteries just died and dark and right into left turning van ahhh! and then a standard wet muni tracks moment in the pouring rain at market and valencia ahhh! [that one was cool cause i stopped traffic like a madman, hands in the air, and then took my sweet time composing my wet self]). and i was so aware of it...i was listening to pavement's "stop breathin'" at the time, with that beatuful jangle out of tune top note of arpeggio everytime lazy smiling me, no one serves coffe, no one wakes up, and nothin gets me off so completely, and was definitely singing loud out loud and riding fast,

but i knew that i had wrecked there and had to watch out for those bumps and i scanned down and saw them and then,
and then?
i mean i guess i just stopped thinking for a second and in that critical second managed to steer right into the very thing i had two seconds ago decided not to run into? what the fuck? these lapses of mind, my god. seconds gone, thought by no one. are they are all so short>
or do some of them last longer, an hour, a day, a whole season of lapse leading me into pattern of course human and then crashing right into the same thing ive already crashed into.
morgaine lost in the land of the fairies.

02 May 2006

start fresh, start fresh.
the three most interesting thoughts i had in the past two days were:
meditating with your eyes open is completely different for meditating with your eyes shut.
theres a fine line between being generous with your audience and not revealing everything.
lightsabers are too violent a weapon for the jedi philosophy.